Friday morning, I stood up to have my weight taken. My vision blackened. My sense of balance faltered. Could I just be exhausted, having spent the majority of the day prior practicing the guitar? Perhaps my red blood cell count had dropped due to my last round of chemotherapy. My blood pressure indicated a different problem. An EKG and ultrasound later, it was determined that fluid had built up in my pericardium, the sac containing the heart, impairing my heart function. Interventional Radiology drained nearly a liter of fluid from around my heart, left a chest drainage tube, and sent me to the ICU to be monitored. While there, some late effects of the last round of chemotherapy arose; my appetite, hair and energy all left me at once.

I have observed that when I am feeling energetic and well, I spend the majority of my energy getting work done and enjoying myself. This activity-focused behavior leads to an accumulation of experience and knowledge, but not understanding. In contrast, during times of sickness, while I have little energy, I tend to use every bit of it in contemplation, taking nothing for granted. It has been during these times in which I have gained the most wisdom in life.

As I find myself on the way to recovery once again, I question, once I have fully recovered from my sickness and find myself with ample energy, how and whether I will remember to take nothing for granted.